been thinking some about purpose lately. the illusion of having purpose is quite compelling, or so i am finding. i’m starting to see how the pursuit of purpose can bring one to the point of doing things that are very un-christ like and destructive. i’m not necessarily finding myself in the place of doing such things, but i’m seeing, maybe for the first time ever, the appeal to such behavior. i’m also seeing such behavior in my past.

and as simple as this is, i was recently reminded by my friend ashleigh, that there is a difference between purpose and goals. my purpose is to know God, and even more specifically, my purpose is to be still; to listen to God and others.

i just get caught up with all the goals in my life and when i don’t see them coming to be, i feel purposeless. i find myself pining for the days when purpose came easier and more clearly. sometimes it makes me distrust my own desires – not being able to trust whether i pursue purpose or truth. but…for now, i’m going to keep moving, trusting that the purpose i see in my life….is the truth.

but for kicks, and in order to create a very clear purpose…i am going to run another marathon. i’m going to run the inaugural modesto marathon in march, thus giving every week very clear purpose. (though this is not the sole reason i am running..just fyi — i’m not that principled).

merry christmas to those who are reading.

emily

oh, and also — i’ve started selling these.